Heaven I need a hug.

Why is it still raining? Why am I hung over at 10 AM? Whyyy whyyy whyyyy? Lord help me...

I haven't blogged in a minute so I decided to stop by and say hello. I am no position to blog right now as I nurse this lovely hangover(at my desk).

How about a picture from Bmore?

Me and the roomie

Whyyy is my head so dayum big?!

While I was typing this blog the HR lady person called me into her office to inform me they were offering me my job. Lol I have been working with my mothers temp agency for about 6 months now they are asking me to come work for the hospital. I guess it's true things never come when you want it because at one point in time I would have killed for this job now I really DO NOT WANT IT. Ugh! Why you ask? Well for one I had it all set in my mind that I would only work weekends at Bellevue this summer and have a rockin good time lmao. Goodbye to that dream. Second I really wanted to move to Bmore in August. Once again goodbye to that dream. Lastly now that I thin about I really don't see myself staying here for THAT long. I did tell them during the interview that I planned on going to law school and I dont think there are any secretary attorneys so that would give me about 5 years here tops.... GRRRRR!!! Let me stop and just be happy for myself. Fuck!

Lol tell em why you mad son!

You shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house.

I refuse to discuss anyone but ME (and occasionally my BFF) in my blog because um... it's MY blog wtf? But it really kills me how someone can "careless" but dedicate enough time to write an entire anecdote. I guess I'm the only one who realizes "what you eat don't make me shit. I really and truly do not give a fuck about how anyone lives their life because I don't know their struggle and they don't know mine. Damn insecurity is a hell of a drug...

Anyway Baltimore tomorrow! Hope I have oodles of fun... I'll have stories/photos for you Monday!

Booty rockin everywhere.

I NEED A BOOTY.

Not to be confused with want, I need one. I'm thinking about starting the "Buy Eve Buns Foundation" so I can get my Brazilian Butt Lift. Please do not confuse the Brazilian Butt Lift with Booty Implants (which I affectionately call Blants). I don't want this:

Lol! But I could rock with something like this:

Before

After

That right there is a happy Brazialian Butt Lift patient. They took her booty do and made it to a booty don't. I'm not tryna look like Buffy, that big booty model scene is already saturated (I'm a pioneer not a follower sorry). I'm just tryna shake somethin *in my Cam'ron voice*

So if you have an extra $10,000 laying around and you want to give the gift that keeps on giving shout me a holla. Queensbeautyqueen@gmail.com All donations are accepted! Thank you and God Bless.

Reading is Fundamental

So I went on a shopping spree at Barnes & Noble online yesterday.
Here are my pick-ups:

A Piece of Cake
Cupcake Brown
I'm so excited to read this book, I've heard so many great reviews!!

A New Earth: Awakening to your Lifes Purpose
Eckhart Tolle
This is another one I can't wait to crack open. I heard it was life changing, we'll see :)

Think and Grown Rich: A Black Choice
Dennis Paul Kimbro & Napoleon Hill
I don't know about this book... I hope it good. Someone recommended it and it was only $6.00 so what the hell?

And because I just can't stay out of the Buy 2 get the 3rd Free Bargain Bin

How to Feel Fabulous Today!
Stephanie L. Tourles
Well... who doesn't want to feel fabulous today?! Lol

Parched
Heather King
Wow! This book was calling my name. Here's the blurb:

In this moving, emotionally charged, and unflinching look at alcoholism and its
effects, lawyer and prominent National Public Radio writer and commentator
Heather King describes her twenty-year-long descent into the depths of addiction
with wit and candor. King went from a highly functioning alcoholic who managed
to maintain her grip on reality to living in the lowest of dive bars, drinking
around the clock and barely sustaining an existence. With help from the most
unexpected source, King stopped her self-destructive spiral and changed her
world for the better. This is the poignant, painfully honest, and inspirational
true story of a woman who looked into the abyss, and was able to step back from
the edge and reclaim her life on her own terms.

Nice Girls Don't Get Rich: 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Money
Lois P. Frankel, PhD.
I love the title and I can totally relate >:)

Some books I wanted but I'll pick them up on the next go round or you can buy them for me :)

Who Moved My Cheese?
Spencer Johnson M.D
I'm pretty much the best at adapting to change, I have a great outlook but I'm tired of hearing about it so I'll probably see what it's about.





Hood
Noire
I haven't read any Urban Lit in a LONG time. I did enjoy G-Spot though so I will give this a chance. Noire is a pretty good writer.

48 Laws of Power
Robert Greene & Joost Elffers
Heard it's a must have, I pretty much know the highlights of the book because friends who have read it schooled me on the things they found most important. It won't hurt to check it out myself.



The Art of War
Sun Tzu
Same as above. It's pretty much a literary staple

Here are my favorite books of all time!

The Catcher in the Rye
J.D Salinger
OMG I've read this book atleast 5 times and I'm sure I'll read it another 5 before I die. It's just one of those books that grow with you. I also love it because I can totally relate to Holden and the fact that everyone takes his situation(s) serious but him. He's also hilarious. I recommend this book... 20 million stars!!


White Oleander
Janet Fitch
Oh man! I read this book in the 4th grade for a book report (and again in the 5th for another book report lol). It was definately not written for my age group and I actually read it wayyyy before the movie (which does the book NO justice) and wayyyy before it hit Oprahs book club. Something about the way Janet tells the story just pulls you in. It's probably her descriptive language because she never goes right out and says anything. She'll elude and leave teh rest to you imagination. I think that's why I didn't like the movie as much.


Down These Mean Streets
Piri Thomas
Classic! I love memoirs...


Native Son
Richard Wright
Originally I read it for school, found it years later and read it again! I don't think I grasped the concept the first time around but the second boy did it hit me. Great book!

That's all for now over @ Eve's Reading Rainbow lol. Get cha summer read on boys & girls!

"They tell me to try and make a livin. I tell em I'm a hustler and I rather make a killin"

It's 7:00 am on Saturday and I'm on my way to work a 12 hour shift. Dedication bitches! Dedicated to the $$$ that is. Surprisingly I'm not upset about it because how else would I be spending my weekend? Sleeping and eating because I'm a lazy bitch. I might as well use my idle time for profit. Over for them weekends!

I feel like I grew-up (a little) overnight. I'm no longer hype to go to the clubs (I haven't been and haven't wanted to go since my birthday). Renee definately hit the nail on the head when she said "once you turn 21 you leave that partying everynight shit for the birds especially since we been doing this way before we were 21." Word! Don't get me wrong I still love night-life and having a good time. I'm just broadening my horizons. New states, countries, etc. LMAO @ me tryna get Hollywood. Chillay chill! But word I'm good on the NYC club scene til they show me something I haven't seen and that's HARD cause I definately seen a lot smh.

I can't...

I will not laugh. There's so many better things I can go to hell for...

But I will say my nigga Eli got heart and some hot punchlines. E-z!!!

Ugh

I hate being questioned. You don't understand I really hate it. Because 99% of the time people have nothing to offer so why are you asking me anything? I can understand if I asked you for help then maybe you can question my situation but if I'm doing fine let me do me. We are not one and the same. What works for you most likely won't work for me so the way I choose to live my life you're probably not gonna agree with but that's okay. As long as I'm happy you should be happy. I am pretty damn happy, albeit lacking in some areas but overall I am happy with my life.

People fail to realize happiness is not a destination but a journey. I'm happy with where I'm going, I'm happy I am no longer where I've been, and I am happy where I am now. If you're living day to day just so you can become happy you will never ever be. You're gonna forever chase something that you can never catch and you'll waster your entire life doing so. I live for the moment because tomorrow isn't promised to anyone (R.I.P Daniel). If I want to take 10 vacations a year I do it. If I want to drop $800 on a purse I do it. If I want to party on Sunday and I have work on Monday... I'm gonna do it!

Don't get me wrong I believe in "saving for a rainy day", working hard to achieve a greater goal, etc but picture this. A girl dedicates her whole life to school and work never taking time out to smell the roses or enjoy life. The day before her graduation from Medical School she gets into a fatal car accident leaving $50,000 in the bank (because she never treated herself to anything) and a life unlived. Sad right? I know. So what it's extreme... it can happen!

I want everyone to check out my BFFs blog Truth behind the smile it's the truth!

Shout out to everyone reading and not commenting. I preciate ya'll but I would appreciate comments even more.. *hint hint*

TGIF!

I don't even know where to begin. There are just so many thoughts running through my head right now and my fingers really don't type that fast. I'll try to lay em all out right quick.

- Last night was one of the most akward and happiest nights of my life
- I am bored as shit
- I really want to move to Maryland (no. really.)
- I really don't want to work at NYP this weekend :(

- I hate my muffin-top :

- I need a perm... BAD.

- I want to move to Maryland (thought it beared repeating)

- Damn I missed him.

- Them psycho LSA hoes lol

The main thing on my mind is last night. I'm just so confused. I'm happy. I'm scared. I'm surprised. I'm upset. I'm everything. I just don't know what to think about the whole situation. Should I just take it for what it was and forget about it? Maybe. But am I capable of doing that? No. I guess I can damn sure try right? I realize if you are reading this you have no idea what I am talking about but that's okay. You're not supposed to.

Anyway... I think I am going to visit my friend Eddie in Baltimore 2 weeks from now. Eddie has been trying to get me down there forever so I thought I'd pay him a visit for Spring Break. I really shouldn't because technically that's Cancun money I could have but fuck it I need a pre-vacation. It's been a minute since I've gotten loose, if I wait until Cancun I might get banned from the country all together. I'm really excited about this trip not becuase I'm going to see Eddie and not because I'm going to get drunk in a new state (and I'm ALWAYS excited about that) but because I really want to get a feel for the city of B-more. I am seriously contemplating moving there and Eddie is selling me hard-body. $1000 for a 2 bedroom? Morgan State 5 mins away? $900 a year car insurance? I'll take it all thanks. There's a saying "If you're shopping for a happy ending and you can;t find it, buy a new beginning instead." Why the hell not? I'm 21, no kids, no boyfriend, no obligations. Shit you're lucky I don't move to Guam.

On to more serious issues... my muffin top (see photo above). It's pissing me off man. I worked my ass off for a good 3 weeks and I managed to go from a gut to a pooch:

I can deal with a pooch. It's just one deep breath from a flawless picture. But the muffin top? My only solace is Spanx and I really don't wan't to go that route. I refuse! I have decided to try the one meal a day and a apple diet (don't try Googling it, it was created by yours truely). I'll let you know how things progress. We're getting down to the wire and I'm trying to hit up Cancun in one of these:

I'm bored so I'm going to post 5 Confessions because well, who doesn't like confessions?

1. I hate men who wear hard-bottom shoes with jeans.

2. I use rubberbands in my hair.

3. I have tried coke (and HATED IT)

4. I have done alot of bad things... alot.

5. I am very shy.

Looking spiffy

I got this cute template to replace that bullshit I had before. I'm waiting on Tad to give me a copy of Photoshop so I can really get busy. Watch out now!

I don't exist.

I guess I should do an introduction or something. I'm not very good at those ... so I won't. You'll learn about me as you read my daily (weekly?...monthly?) rants. K? K!

So in Child Psychology yesterday we learned about Identities and somewhere in between texting J., talking to Tad on BBM and browsing Craigslist I realized I have no identity. Oh shit! I don't fucking exist. Let me explain:

There are 4 stages in developing an identity and they are:
1. Identity Diffusion - occurs when there is neither an identity crisis or commitment

2. Identity Foreclosure - when a person has made a commitment without attempting identity exploration.

3. Identity Moratorium - is the status of a person who is actively involved in exploring different identities, but has not made a commitment.

4. Identity Achievement - occurs when an individual has gone through an exploration of different identities and made a commitment to one.

I have not achieved one gotdamn Identity. Okay maybe my sexual preference identity but even that's iffy (let's not forget my secret crush on Snoop). Dammint I'm 21, aren't I supposed to know who I am already? It saddens me that I don't :(. I'm like an immigrant in my own life. I don't belong here!

Blah so I'm being melodramatic... I really am annoyed though. I think I'm going to do a monthly Identity Status Update just to see how things are moving along.

April 2008 Identity Status

Ethnic Identity

Achievement (as if I had a choice lol)

Sexual Identity

Achievement

Sexual Preference Identity

Achievement?

Relationship Identity

Moratorium

Education Idenity

Moratorium

Social Identity

Moratorium

Career Idenity

Moratorium

Ok moving right along... next order of business!

NYC and I have a love/hate relationship. Now I understand why women in abuseive relationships say "But I love him". I really do. NYC is dirty, expensive, overcrowded, and getting worse by the minute but I'm still here. Don't get me wrong I often fantasize about leaving this city but can I ever really move to Atlanta GA, Tulsa OK, Baltimore MD, Newport News VA, Houston TX, etc? I often find myself actually looking at apartment complexes and Craigslist job posting on the forementioned cities like I'm threatening NYC. "If you don't get your act together I'm leaving you! I mean it this time!". Yeah ok. Ain't happenin. :\

I think I'm going to do a little work (not a lot just enough to keep me off the unemployment line). I'll be back.. maybe.