I'm just too full of resentment...

Good Morning *Kanye West Voice*

I think the worst moment is the point where anger turns into resentment. It is at this time that you stop hating the action and begin harboring feelings towards the person. You try to convice yourself you're feeligns are in response to what was done to you but in actuality it's in response to how you relate to it. It's a blind emotion and has got to be the worst emotion.It's such an ugly emotion and so hard to get rid of but the worst part of all is you are the only one suffering. Whoever or whatever you are resenting are none the wiser to the emotional warfare going on inside you. When you resent someone, you are saying very forcefully, that the other person is the problem, the cause and the fault. Not you. You forcefully blame the other person so you don't have to look at yourself. If you looked at yourself, you would have to experience all the hurt from what happened. You would have to feel all the hurt of being not good enough, not worth loving or some other form of not okay. To avoid this hurt, you resent.

The first step in releasing a resentment is to be willing to feel this hurt. Look under the resentment and find the hurt. Find the feelings of being not good enough or not worth loving that you are avoiding. Then be willing to experience them. Cry if you can. Once you are willing to feel this hurt, you no longer need the resentment.

The next step is to notice that the person you resent has a very particular state of mind and a very particular way of seeing life. Notice that this person has a very limited awareness and acts totally consistent with his or her limited skills and ability. Now notice that if this person was wiser and more aware, then he or she would be able to act very differently, but the person isn't wiser and more aware. This person only has the limited awareness that he or she has. Notice that this person is doing the very best he or she can with his or her very limited ability. Notice how much this person suffers as a result of his or her limited equipment.

Now ask yourself, Are you willing to forgive this person for not being wiser and more aware? Are you willing to forgive this person for acting consistent with his or her limited ability? Are you willing for forgive this person for the damage that was caused? Remember that forgiveness is for you, not the other person. Forgiveness is a choice. Let go of your resentment and get on with your life.

If it were only that easy huh?

So this is what we're teaching our children?

I weep for the following generations. Can we all say a silent prayer? ............................................................AMEN.

Tee-Gee-Eye-Eff

Two days in a row?! Oh wow it must gon rain today. Let's move on with the preceedings shall we? I don't have a topic in mind so I'm going to go straight off the top. Can I kick it? Yes I can.

I really need to begin the application process for jobs in Bmore. My boyfriend would kill me if he knew that I have not applied to not a nare job down there. Imma fuck around and be unemployed. I'll make sure I put that on my to do list right under Osi Umenoyra. Damn did I say that aloud? Ignore that last part thanks. Hopefully finding a job shouldn't be too diffucult with my extensive experience and innate charm. Lmao! Yeah ok... I just hope my only option isn't at the local Up Against the Wall. Speaking of Up Against the Wall they have some cute shit.




*Shout out to Diana! She wore this dress last week and I loved it so umm you know I'm ordering it right? :D!

I might just put in an application for that employee discount. I'll take $7/hr for some cheap clothes. Who needs food anyway? Oodles of Noodles Ent.!

Oh and I've gotten lots of responses on my last blog. Thanks everyone for reading it means a lot to me it really does. You suck for not commenting though lol. I don't want to make this too long so I'll end it here. Gotta leave ya'll wanting more ya diiiig?!

Hmm...

It's been a minute so I thought I'd stop by and say hello...


Hello.


Lmao! But really I've had somethings on my mind. First up friendship it seems like as I grow older the shit is getting more complicated, shouldn't it be the other way around? I've been dealing with insincere friends, malicious friends, stupid friends, and just GIRLS I have outgrown and I have nothing in common with anymore. Am I wrong to move on with my life without them? I've confided in a few whose opinion I really trust and I have received mixed answers. Some said I should continue with those who are stupid and/or I've outgrown because it's not their fault (LOL wtf?). Taking care of myself is enough work I refuse to take care of grown ass indivduals also. When someone becomes more trouble then they are worth I feel like it's time to let go... for real. But it seems like they always come back with an apology and I always take them back. Ugh all this is making my head hurt. Fuck it!

Next order of business... DOWN LOW BROTHERS. Mannnn listen... I don't know what's going on with this shit. Is there a shortage of good pussy? I mean cause I know how to twerk it, I can start teaching classes at the local Community College if need be. In this "recession" I need an extra income anyway. I got my eye on a pair of Giuseppes and shit.... lemme know I can do one-on-one tutoring too (No Queen Latifah). This DL shit is sickening though.I respect a niggah who comes out and says "I love to suck dick!"... cause I'm always like "Shit me too you got any pointers for me?". But if you sitting in my face telling me how much you love coochi but in the back of your mind you're thinking about who's gonna be on top tonight you or Tyrone. The problem does not end there it is also contributing to the alarming HIV rate. These men shitcake their dicks with all kinds HIV infested bloodshit then they wash up and go home to their wife/fiance/girlfriend and fuck them rawdoggy and the women are none the wiser. And the girlfriend is probably boning Jason from Accounts Payable so now he's got it and he's married. It's becomign a vicious cycle that will make you want to give up on sex all together. Fortunately more women are becoming aware of the epidemic and are paying closer atention to their partners. This creates another problem. Women are accusing innocent men of being on the DL. Especially now that the Kanye West swag is in with the tight pants and shit.... everyone looks a little how you doing :P. But you heffas are gonna fucka round and miss ya man with all that generalizing lol. I plan to pick up Hiding in Hip Hop and will probably do a short review on it. I don't want to read it but I feel I have to, I will be taking everything with a grain of salt though.

My neck is fucking killing me and I know that has nothing to do with typing but Ic an't think straight lol. So I'll end this here.

XOXO.

Just wanna say...

Ashanti looks cute here.

That is all.

Missed me?!

NO I did not forget about my blog! Actually I'm working on upgrading my situation. I purchased a domain!! Yes my own little home in the WorldWideWeb. My blog will soon be moving to Eveology.net and I am so excited because I have wanted to buy that name for years but it was always owned by some random person in Africa. LOL! Now it's all mine and my concept is sickkk!! Ya'll know I like to get all philosophical and shit so this is my philosophy I call it Eveology. Open your books to page 1 boys and girls!

Okay enough of that. I'm actually blogging because something interesting happened to me today. An ex friend of mine reached out stating that she wants to reconcile our friendship. I have never been one for grudges but honestly I don't think I can forgive OR forget this one. A part of me is in a good place right now and would rather let the past stay right where it lies... in the past. On the other hand I really do want to finally turn the page on that chapter because it feels like I haven't finished reading it... like I stopped because the words got too hard to read or some shit. Now that a year has passed and I've learned a few new words and I'm a better reader I am able to return back to that chapter and finish reading. I don't know how it will end nor do really care atleast I completed it. SO basically I went with the latter and I agreed to meet her for dinner Wednesday. I'll let you know how that goes...

I know I didn't really talk about Cancun because there isn't much to talk about lol! It was a fun, relaxing, and eventful vacation with 2 of my closest friends. We all enjoyed ourselves and in the words of Baby "partied like rockstars." LOL let him tell it!

Now for the best news of them all..... you ready?? *DRUM ROLL* I finally decided to move to Maryland! Yaaaa trick yaaaa!! And I am so serious right now. *2 steppin* I can't wait! :) :) I didn't want to announce it because I don't want to jinx it but I think it's pretty set in stone at this point. I'm moving with Baby so atleast I won't be starting all alone. :0)

I have so much more to say but I want to save the good shit for Eveology.net. Hopefully it will be up and runing by next week *fingers crossed*. Theres so much new studd I have to learn. Last time I had a domain I was using straight HTML and Frames lol. That's not cutting it anymore. They using PHP/DIV/and all all kinds of fancy shit. Please excuse me while I step my game up.

God is on CP time.

I feel so I dunno... I'm like every emotion at one time. I'm happy, I'm annoyed, I'm upset, I'm excited, I'm depressed, I'm sad, I'm content, I'm ... wait is all of this even possible? It's like some shit out of the Twilight Zone lol. I just want to get AWAY from everything in NY. I am conviced this city is pure evil and it takes souls through a lifetime series of parties, relationships, business transactions, friendships etc. It's daunting really. It seems to take so much energy just to get through the day and to know that tomorrow you have to do it all again is frustrating. It's like you're fighting just to keep your head above water and life really shouldn't have to feel like that. I gotta get out ASAP.

I can't stand people who just wallow in self-pity. I have NEVER been the woe is me kind of person. I don't believe in helplessness. If something is wrong I fix it ASAP. If I'm knee deep in shit I don't look around and take inventory I start digging. When I'm out I can look back like DAMN I WAS IN SOME SHIT! Lol. Unfortunately everyone is not like that and it annoys me to no end. Like what the fuck is wrong with you? I think Jay-z sums up my sentiments in this line:
"Can't complain about what they ain't gon give ya that ain't gonna get you shit."
Word!! Fuck the bullshit I always get mine without the assistance of anyone.

......... okay I'm finished ranting. I just had to get that out!!

Don't you hate when blessings come at the wrong time? When things you prayed and prayed for appear when you no longer need/want them. A lot of people say God delivers blessings when HE believes you need them not when you want them but in my opinion his timetable is all jacked up. I am conviced God is on CP time. I mean it's cool with me but I'm just saying it's really annoying because it makes me have to face decisions that I really don't want to make. My life is never good vs bad. It's always GOOD VS. GREAT or BAD VS FUCKED UP. I'm always find myself faced with having to chose between the less of two evils or I'll have 2 great options and have to choose. One of those crossroad situations and they drive me out of my mind because if I chose the wrong path then I have to either find a short-cut to get to where I wanted to be or take the trip back to the crossroad and take the correct path. You see how Gods CP time really messes me up? Like I said it's cool though I guess that's what life is about. Being faced with decisions and trying to make the best choice based on your experience and what you want to achieve in life.